He's wanting me less

sexinsciencexo @ 2005-05-30T16:31:00

2005-05-30T20:31:48Z

Oh live jourbnal I have decieved you so...I got a xanga
http://www.xanga.com/home.aspx?user=x_____BlackPlastic

I still love you
♥

Sing to me

2005-05-27T02:07:10Z

Cell Phone Love ♥
I finally got ittttt !

sexinsciencexo @ 2005-05-25T16:12:00

2005-05-25T20:17:12Z

Today I basically did nothing..
my mother left me home alone.
I'm getting a cell phone later tonight, though.
I'm excited.
Since my day was so dull,
I basically have nothing to say,
so,
here are some pictures:

I took this near some chapel in Delaware.

Also in Delaware

Isnt nature beautiful?

- 10 points for ugly.

Kangaroo love ♥

lyk omgz what did you just say?

ITS MY BIRTHDAY TODAY, NGR!

2005-05-24T02:58:53Z

sexinsciencexo @ 2005-05-22T21:16:00

2005-05-23T01:16:44Z

I miss Robbi
:'(
♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥

Just because I dress like this, doesnt mean im a communist

2005-05-20T20:57:23Z

Schools out for me.!!!@#$%&*#

I finished my exams and now i'm out!!
hoo-ray
I gave everyone hugs. Even Zain, whom I haven't spoken to in a long time, I really miss him, he was one of my best friends and then we kind of stopped talking :(

I danced in the rain today also
love me?

<3

Take heart cause you are art and you are loved just not only

2005-05-19T22:15:07Z

My last day of school is Friday aka tommorow
I have guitar lessons tonight
My birthday is monday
bye

<3

p.s.

some people are so fucking stupid it makes me wanna kick them in the face

What a perfect crime...you stole my heart and I stole yours

2005-05-18T01:12:34Z

Today I danced in the rain.
It was incredible

Today I was in love...
just like yesterday
and every day before that
and so on.

Today was good.

♥

sexinsciencexo @ 2005-05-15T21:59:00

2005-05-16T02:01:33Z

I have a best friend
Her name is mary elizabeth hawkins
also known as : Maris
She's the craziest girl eva & everyone should love her.
Together we are undefeatable:

GET THAT

KIPPER PAPER TEAP?

Yes, I love her.
<3

aww

2005-05-15T23:48:33Z

yeahhh so the hair dying thing didnt work
oh well.

Sam called me from houston to tell me he's on his way home and that he loves me
That was so sweet, I love him

<3

I got confirmed today.
It was nerve wracking.
errr.
After I went to Mary's for a party
it was partilicious.

kbye
<3

sexinsciencexo @ 2005-05-14T22:27:00

2005-05-15T02:29:15Z

After confirmation tommorow i'm dying my hair
As is Mary.
Say goodbye to

It shall be blonde.
I'm nervous.
er.

<3

ngr please

2005-05-13T01:27:51Z

My lover is leaving me for Texas.
I love Sam. : (
I honestly do.

Mary is comming over tommorow!
we're gonna camp in the backyard! haha
Its gonna be so rad
I love mary!

I had guitar lessons today.
Aaron gave me a cd with his songs on it
its so good
its one of my fav. cds now.

the end.

<3

And whoa when it started my first thought was love

2005-05-12T01:10:11Z

Today I:
+ Loved my lover.
- cut phillips hair. He was mad, you cant tell its cut...but we hugged. haha
+ Made rockets with Maris and Phillis and Michael.
Me and mary's were the best.
It had a weird looking hotel clerk on it and a sign that said "wow. a leather."
It was rad.

thats my day.
Life is full of excitement, you know?

♥ Han!nah

sexinsciencexo @ 2005-05-10T21:40:00

2005-05-11T01:44:41Z

+ 4 people told me my hair was soft today
they also asked me what shampoo I used

+ I love my Sam today, More than yesterday
And I will love him even more tommorow.

+ I was supposed to call Robbi today
But I could not obtain my phone
But I really wanted to talk to her :(

+ I latched onto mary again, today
And I screamed so people thought I was dying.

+ I also latched onto ronnie
And he basically dragged me to the bus stop

+ My friend andrew just asked me to dance with him
I magically appeared wasted in his car once
He took me to mcdonalds
What a pal.

+ This weekend i'm hanging out with Preller
At least I hope I am, thats the plan
I want to! I love her. Shes my friend.

+ I meditated today
I love my life Today

♥ Han!nah

sexinsciencexo @ 2005-05-09T20:21:00

2005-05-10T00:41:14Z

Sometimes when I listen to music...like when I listen to Blonde Redhead, I feel like I could scream. I feel like my skins comming right off me or something. I feel like a whole bunch of bones. Its like some music's got a direct line to my insides, and when I hear it, I go crazy all over, crazy and turned-on and hysterical and so different from the way I look to everyone on the outside that when I look in the mirror, I dont really recognize myself. Its like I want to have sex when I feel like that, and then I think i'm pretty crazy and I cant tell anyone those feelings...except now.

I had this dream last night, Where me and about all my friends were all in a single filed line facing a river. Just sitting on the grass, facing the river. I was somewhere in the middle of Ronnie and Sam and I could see Trey and Mary about 4 people in front of me. This boy Joey was sitting in a chair beside me and he looked so beat up, torn up, out of place. He was staring at me, his eyes were teary. He muttered something towards me but I couldn't quite hear it, but it made me cry as well. I looked ahead and I saw Rob, happy as can be, and his motorcycle was beside him. I saw Ben, and he had his hood up and there was a railroad right beside the river and he had a dirtbike beside him and it was making me so nervous. Sam was infront of me. He looked at me and said I love you, and I said it back. But something was wrong with me...I dont understand why, but I got up and ran straight to the river, and I saw all the rapids hitting these sharp rocks, rocks so sharp they were like spikes comming straight out of the water, and I jump at them, and I wake up real quick like i've been thrown in a pool of cold water or something. I dont even know how it started. You can never tell how anything is when you just wake up like that.

My father took me out on his motorcycle at about 7 PM. It was marvelous. We rode around to sullivans and it was so beautiful watching the sunset reflect off the water. The blues, yellows, oranges, purples, all colliding together to make a perfect painting right there in front of you. Oh so beautiful.

God or man, no one could look in on her in joy. Her legs--and there are twelve--are like great tentacles, unjointed, and upon her serpents necks are borne six heads like nightmares of ferocity, with triple serried rows of fangs and deep gullets of black death. Half her length, she sways her heads in air, outside her horrid cleft, hunting the sea around that promontory for dolphins, dogfish, or what bigger game thundering Amphitrite feeds in thousands. And no ships company can claim to have passed her without loss and grief she takes, from every ship, one man for every gullet

♥ Han!nah

sexinsciencexo @ 2005-05-08T20:42:00

2005-05-09T00:44:15Z

Under my bed has always scared me. I remember times long ago when I used to jump to get on it rather than risk putting my feet too close to the bottom, simply because I thought that the 'boogie man' was waiting for me under my bed. Now I'm not so sure about that, I'm more scared to go outside of my house - mostly because I know that the boogie man is waiting for me somewhere out there. I sware I've seen him before, in every person I see walking aimlessly through the world. All of my teachers, all of my friends. Anyone can potentially be a boogie-man.

I'm not so worried about those close to me as those who are not. I know the people close to me, and I know that they would probably not make the ideal boogie man. It's all of the other people that really grind my nerves, not in an annoying way, but in a nervous way. I'm still not comfortable around new people - never have been. It's one of the reasons, I'm convinced that I've met the future Hitler or saddam many times before. Boogie man = world tyrant for me, in case you hadn't picked that up.

Here are some words to describe me:

nervous, closed, weak, observant, broken, busted, blackened, deep, analytical, mistrusting, difficult, nonsensical, everywhere, nowhere, nothing, something, wisher, listener, stubborn, clingy, romantic, heavy hearted, emotional, dreary, slight, doomed, intellectual, predator, packrat, blind, in love.

And thats my story.
I suck at life.

yay

but

i'm in love.
damnit.
rawr

I'm in love

2005-05-08T02:42:16Z

It was really hot today, at least to me. So hot it was as if the ground had to crack just to let the dirt underneath breathe.

Its so quiet in my house I can hear every noise my body made. My hands on the keyboard, my breathing, my body shifting...everything. This silence is sort of making me uncomfortable. Sometimes I think i'm going crazy because if it gets this quiet and I close my eyes and stop breathing for a second, I swear to God I can hear the words comming right out of my head: "You'll Leave. You'll leave." Strong then calm, like waves. I clench my fists so hard when I hear them, so hard that my nails make sharp half-moon marks on my palms.

I bought a book today. Its called Orpheus Emerged by Jack Kerouac. So far its pretty good. And thats the excitement of my day, besides the fact that I went to Wando's soccer game tonight and got in a fight with a 40 year old woman. Heres my story: I was at the wando soccer game with my dad and my brother...and like, they just went down to get food so I was by myself, and for some reason I was really excited about this game, and the reff made a shitty ass call and so I was getting all pissed and yelling at him, and the lady in front of me was for the other team, so she was all "YOU DONT KNOW NOTHIN" and I was like "YEAH I DO! I FUCKING NO MORE THAN YOU! I PLAYED SOCCER FOR 8 YEARS! GO HOME ASSHOLE!" and then I stole her kids animal crackers. And thats my story. God i'm such a bitch. err.

I'm so tired, yet so awake.

♥ Han!nah

Love is a battlefield..

2005-05-06T22:49:09Z

Trying to control my life can sometimes be like trying to stand on a bar of soap in the shower and balance yourself - in other words, nearly impossible. I think though, once I think about it, that I like it like that - keeps things interesting, which in turn keeps me thinking, which in turn even still keeps me going. So, it's all a cycle, nice way of defining it.

Love, many teenagers don't think there is such a thing. We all go through times where such things seem to be nothing more than a hormonal fancy, one that we can't grab on to and hold tight. 1 in 3 teenage relationships are abusive, 2 in 3 fail. Those aren't pretty numbers to look at, but they do give you a little something to go on. I tend to shy away from the majority, thus far I've done so quite successfully.
Oh I love him, he is wonderful ♥

So I was reading all my old yearbooks from Middleschool and they sure brought back memories. I saw one, from 6th grade, and there was this stupid girl named Pini and I couldn't stand her, and one time, I threw my whole lunch tray at her head because she did something that made me angry. What kind of name is Pini anyway? It reminds me of some kind of italian food! Jeez. Well. I was also reading my yearbook from last year, and my teacher, Mr. McCurly, signed it and said : "Hannah, sit down, feet off the desk, no book? Do your work. Not doing homework? I bet you'll miss it." har har, I loved him. He was the only science teacher I ever liked...even though I did purrrty bad in there.

♥ Han!nah

Whats that writing on your everything?

2005-05-06T01:38:45Z

Looking out the window I can see the rain pouring down...and as each drop slowly hits the ground a huge gust of wind pushes the water across the street. Its beautiful. As I look up at the sky it looks as if the clouds are each racing. They are moving faster than usual--like they are racing to the sun. The sky is like a canvas. I love the sound of heavy winds racing across my windows, and the sound of rain drops hitting the roof. To me its somewhat peaceful.

♥ Han!nah

We lived in a craterrrrrrr

2005-05-05T02:06:21Z

I feel great! [But then again I dont] I really mean it.I have to remember this for the next time i'm having a terrible week. Have you ever done that? You feel really bad and then it goes away and you dont know why. I try to remind myself when I feel great like this that there will be another terrible week comming someday, so i should store up as many great details as I can and believe that i'll feel great again. It doesnt work a lot, but I think its very important to try.

Honestly, I have mixed feelings on how I feel.
That sounded so dumb.
Acctually, I really dont feel that great.

On the way home today I was listening to some of the songs we listened to those times when we were infinite. And I pretended they were in the car with me.

Robbi is definately wayyyyy cuter! [I win :)]

♥ Han!nah

R.I.P
Ben VanKoevering ♥
Rob Black ♥
Michael Mazzio ♥

You are all missed && loved.

Robbi is beautiful

2005-05-03T21:33:17Z

Four pieces of candy. Four pieces of red-striped candy sitting on a black computer desk covered with dust; dust that is thick, gritty and nasty. Dusty dust on a black computer desk with four pieces of candy on it, red-striped candy, peppermint candy. Four pieces of peppermint candy on a black computer desk covered with dusty dust. I looked at the dusty dust covered black computer desk with four pieces of peppermint candy for 10 minutes, nearly or above that time. For all the time I did nothing except looking at the black desk, remarking upon the dusty dust that settled under the red-striped peppermint candy--four pieces. My blue eyes cut through the darkness to see the four pieces of candy, sitting just outside the reach of the computer monitor's light. The computer monitors light, that reached like a glowing hand into much of the darkness, did not reach the candy pieces--the four candy pieces remained in the dark on the black computer desk, covered with dust--for 10 minutes.
Then I moved the candy.
Life is exciting, isn't it?

And so the final 'thing' is where I find myself now. I did absolutely nothing today. I'm one of those people who loves to have some alone time, but when it's in excess like this I really do not enjoy it in the least. I spent the entire day sleeping or in thought, two things that get very old, very quick.

♥ Hannah

sexinsciencexo @ 2005-05-02T16:32:00

2005-05-02T20:43:40Z

She wakes up; it's four o'clock in the morning. Rubbing her head thoughtfully, her feet carry her to the full length mirror that plays 'neighbor' to her door--prancing across the room in a covert, and slightly Russian way. Her feet are clumsy, finding every sharp object the floor holds, and some which do not truly exist, in whatever form the word 'existance' happens to take at that very moment.

She looks up, and suddenly, life becomes clear to her. She is, in fact, a young girl.

Bubble POP electricccccc

2005-04-30T01:32:04Z

My nose is stuffy.
I could've died today. Heres my story:

Me and Lindsay were waiting for Ronnie to come pick us up to take us to school. Once he came and got us I noticed that another guy was in the front seat. It was Casper, I didn't recognize him at first cause he had a haircut. ANYWAYS, we were about halfway down longpoint road when me and Lindsay realized they were both fucking trashed. Wasted. Drunk off their fucking asses. Ronnie was swirving off the road, Casper was leaning out the window saying "HEY! you're fat!" to Melissa as well as screaming "NIGGER" whenever he saw a black person and flicking just about everyone off. Ronnie also had this bee hanging from his left back window. It was frozen, Ronnie's exact words about it were, "Its frozen, I thought it would come back to life but it didn't" So there it was. A random frozen bee hanging from a car window. They also had this awful looking clown mask in which they put it on and scared the shit out of us multiple times. We made it too school safely.
Ohhh god I love Ronnie and Casper.

Other than that, I felt shitty all day. Too much is going on and its hard to accept.

ick, thats one nasty looking "sick" star.

♥ Han!nah

We just drove around all night listening to mix tapes<3

2005-04-28T21:46:26Z

I know that this will end up transfered on my computer later.
Its 1:35. I'm waiting for the bell to ring. Only about 30 minutes left.
Its too quiet and there are too many pencils tapping the desks.
I'm back in my thinking class.

You know, today started out great. Ronnie took me to school, I hung out with my best friend right before 1st block, I laughed..It was great. It was all great until the beggining of 1st block. Walking into school I acctually had this weird feeling something was wrong. I walked in and saw people crying...I just thought someone was fighting seeing as girls were being pulled away by random teachers. But I was wrong.
"As some of you might already know a Wando student, Rob Black, passed away last night."
Oh boy I was wrong.
He had died in a motorcycle accident...It wasn't even his fault.

Not only did I know who he was, but i've talked to him multiple times. He was the first person I acctually ran into at the beggining of the year, the first person I met that I didn't already know...just cause i'm a stupid klutz that runs into people. I may not have been close to Rob, But I knew him...I talked to him.
I saw his girlfriend more than once today, and each time I saw her, she was drenched in her own tears. I know what its like to have your boyfriend die. At first you think its not real. This isn't happening, its just a joke. And then you realize, that it really did happen. Its all real. And at that time you finally realize it, you break down. I broke down.
Michael Armstrong: Out of the two years that I have known him I have never seen him so sad. I've never seen him shed one single tear or show any sign of being upset. But today was different. He was crying. Rob Black was one of his good friends. Do you know how hard that is? To find out one of your good friends has died?
Because of this event, it made me think about a lot of things similar to it. Things like, what if my best friend died? What if Sam got hurt in Israel? What if anyone i'm close to died? I honestly have no answers to those questions. I honestly...have no idea what i'd do. I'm sick of losing people I love. I'm absolutely sick of it. Why do good people have die? Why do young people have to die? I just dont understand it.

I can feel myself tearing up.
I really should stop thinking about it.

The bell will ring in about 5 minutes. I will meet up with Mary, we will attempt to walk across the rotunda but that wont work because of the administrators so we will walk down the left side steps and go up the other left side steps where we will either find Trey or Sam. We will walk down the rotunda and basically run to the gym for our feelings of being late. We'll get in there and hear "LINE UP!" We will do as told and then proceed into the locker rooms and get changed. I will probably have starbursts. After we are changed, we will walk to the track where we will either run one lap or walk one, run one, walk one, run one. After this, we will go to the tennis courts and when we're done we will go back into the locker rooms, get changed, and then go home and I will sit and wait until guitar lessons and I will probably type this on my livejournal.
How do I know this? Because its a daily routine. We never EVER do anything different except on Fridays we have a game of softball instead. But then again, there is always that percent chance that i'm wrong.

♥ Han!nah

I wont forget the way you loved meeee

2005-04-28T00:11:51Z

RigamortisDrew: well, when are you going to suddenly appear in my car again so i bring your hungry ass to Mcdonald's?

Oh mah gawd I remember that day. Haha. Heres my story:
So, I was with Jennifer and Fernanda. We snuck out of the house to meet up with Raegan and Christiana. We had no idea what random guys were driving us to wherever we were going. So, we finally jumped out of her window, after previously hitting my head on it. We ran down the street and met up with the kids that were driving us. One was Andrew, and the other was Chris. Both fairly nice boys. Me, Christiana, Raegan, Jennifer AND Fernanda all sat in the same seat...no no no I take that back, there were two people in the trunk, I dont remember which two of us it was, but I remember they were drinking some sort of alcohol product. I was somewhat fucked up myself, I dont remember what from though. I thought Andrew was a cutie. He drove us to McDonalds because we were all starving. How sweet of him, right? Considering he didn't really know us. Thats really all I remember. NO WAIT. I remember I found this machetti in the back seat and it scared me to death haha. I also remember going to piggly wiggly to buy lighters.
Oh the old days.

<3 !